This is the first in a series of posts that each month will explore a different aspect of the phenomenon of Baking Addiction. Subscribe now so you will not miss the next instalment…
Emotions of Baking
On a typical weekend or bored moment you will find me searching for divine cake led inspiration often of the virtual kind. The fact is a few minutes often dissolves into hours of gazing longingly at golden sugary encrusted online pages and sometimes I can be found stroking pages of cookbooks with lust exclaiming ‘would you look at THAT!’ to whomever is listening which is typically myself as the rest of the household scuttles off to dusty corners at this point. Looking at food gives me that excited walk, you know the one where you have imaginary springs in your shoes and your bottom starts to swing from side to side and really you are trying not to make it too obvious that you are skipping with baking excitement. After a few minutes of happy clapping and food lust my evil alter ego Cruella de Baker transforms into tantalising Little Miss Baking Addict with incredible apron ripping style. ‘Roooaaaarrr!’ means I love you, didn’t you know?
A cake rush (or Crush by Pendulum)
Let me introduce you to Little Miss Baking Addict. She raises her cherry topped peak whenever I stumble across a divine new cake, pie, bread or tart that just makes my mouth water in anticipation. Once overtaken by Little Miss Baking Addict I reach out and touch the screen and give it a slow protracted stroke whilst telling it to ‘Come to Mummy’ in a bizarrely deep throaty voice which incidentally I have no idea where it comes from?
Last weekend my love of baking was beginning to spiral out of control as I still wasn’t dressed by 2pm on a Sunday afternoon. I had been playing (quite literally) with flour all morning and videoing it. Realising the time I ran frantically out of the door to my Son’s football match with speckled white hair and white tell-tale hand prints across my backside. This was not good and I realised out on that windy pitch that is was time I took control and consult the baking addiction guide:
Stage 2: at this stage (look at your image on the move for this) whatever you are doing when looking at the image you will find you suddenly have the need to stand still and take a closer look. This level of addiction may cause unsteadiness on your feet as food lust, gawking and moving requires a high level of multi-tasking which proves difficult to the affected.
Stage 3: you may present with all the symptoms above and also experience quickened heart rate with a sudden ‘it’s getting hot in here‘ feeling which is similar to a hot flush but is not dependant on gender, age or room temperature and removal of clothing may occur. This is often followed by deep breathing and in extreme case you may make graduating volume levels of ‘oooh, oooooooh , oooooooh yes, yesss, YESSSSSSSSS!’ The shrieking bears similarities to the scene in the film when ‘Harry met Sally’ but is understood to be the baking addicts call for a hot sugar fix rather than a mate.
If you suffer from some or all of these stage you are most likely suffering from baking addiction. This is a less documented condition in the medical world but renders the sufferer incapable of walking away from a recipe book or online page and can cause disturbing side effects such as drooling, groaning and realistic dreams involving cakes, cookies and other foods.
Partners of baking addicts must wear protective clothing at night and ensure they do not wear perfume or cologne that bear any resemblance to the sweet scent of baked goods (avoid Lynx Chocolate). If this is not adhered to, partners risk getting bitten or licked in the night which is not as nice as it sounds as baking addicts know instinctively how to sink their teeth into baked goods (think piranha ) and in reality this can be a painful rather than pleasurable experience.
Where are you in baking addiction? Comment and let me know
P.S: In my own personal experience I also advise not to use any hair products that smell of sweet desserts. One night I woke up eating my hair but in my dream I had been devouring lemon cheesecake. It did not take a genius for me to work out this is the fragrance of my ‘only use when really going out somewhere nice as it is really expensive’ hair mousse. Perhaps manufacturers could flavour their hair products to give us something to chomp on without any calories? Now there’s a thought, hmmm, I’d like a triple chocolate honeycomb cheesecake flavour please.
Next in the series : Confessions of a baking addict
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